The Ogre's Apprentice
by fumalunga
Summary: Donald left everything to learn how to build the best wall. Legend has it that the master builder of the swamp has the best wall-building-and-keeping-out-mexicans-skills-of-them-all. Notice- Donald is in no way related the the Presidential candidate of the same name...they just share many of the same feats.
1. Chapter 1

Ogre's Apprentice

By Fumalunga

Donald was nervous. As he trekked through the dark swamp, his golden hair acted as the perfect guide for him. It shone brightly, and it illuminated his path before him. Each squelch through the swamp made him feel more and more like those he despised. Walking through mud, possibly on a river bank…the wrong side of a river bank that they weren't supposed to be on. He scratched his face with a mud covered hand. Great, now he looked even more like a Mexican.

His scowl deepened as caught sight of his place of stay. There was no wall! He had come to this swamp because he had heard of a master wall builder. One who, as it is fabled, wanted to build a ten foot wall around his entire property. He sloughed through the mud another ten meters and knocked lightly on the door.

"Who could it be a' this time o' night?" said an angry Scottish-for-some-reason-I-mean-are-they-making-a-statement-about-scotts voice from inside.

The door swung forward in one massive arc, smacking Donald in the head and making his golden hair, the source of his power, fall away. It was swallowed in seconds by the deep, Mexican-smelling mud. Donald turned and prepared to have an angry verbal joust with the fuck-tard, only to come face to face with the pants-less ogre.

He leaned nonchalantly in the doorway with his respectable candle hanging out. The "wick" conspicuously dripping as though he had been…doing something. He had a Brittany Spears belly shirt on with no pants. He chewed gum and ate an apple…all the things that they do in movies to make you seem like a a-hole.

Donald swallowed his "you're fired" and took a step back. This was his master? When he had signed up to leave the presidential race and his tv show he hadn't suspected it was a bad idea. He also didn't think it was a bad idea when he paid for a cannon that fired diamonds that exploded into rare albino babies. He was more startled than that gorilla in Cincy when this big, green, naked black baby fell into his pen.

"You must be mah apprentice!" The Ogre smirked. This was gonna be fun.


	2. Chapter 2

Shrek had Donald sleep out in the swamp that night. He didn't deserve the inside warmth created by Shrek's constant farting. Shrek, like most Ogres, had a constant stream of silent (Butt deadly :P) farts pouring out of his ass. These farts, when combined with the swamp vapors, allowed me to use far more commas than would normally be possible—increasing my level of grammatical correctness by seventy thousand kilojoules per second.

Donald awoke at Nein PMS eastern Specific tempo. He was covered in swamp schmooge and copious pixie dust. Apparently the local fairies had spread their dust on and in him while he was sleeping. He cursed the fairies and their gay ways. He could build a wall around them too. He helped Sauron build a wall to keep those damn Gondorians in. He helped Chyinah build a wall to keep out those slightly-different-kind-of-chinese-people. He had been at the forefront of every major wall project in known history. He was 700 trillion years old. His immortality was gained because his dad was God's boss.

Shrek had more formal attire on. He sported a full suit of woven silk draped around lower body and a Justin Timberlake cutoff tee around his waist. His musticular body rippled gayly under the fat that was his fat. He also wore a trilby hat that had Pinkie Pie embroidered on the brim. (I do not own the rights to My Little Ponie, but I do own the rights to the Pinkie Pie trilby). He walked outside and gave Donald a firm slap on the nuts to wake him. Donald woke with a startled "You're Fired!".

"Oi! Yer first task aaa been a maystah wall builder is to peel the bark off of every tree In the swamp and make the best wall you can of it! Wha!? You thought it would be some 'wax on, wax off' bullshit? No, he learns to build walls" Shreck spoke to your soul.

So Don went around the swamp cold and bald peeling bark. He eventually found a mythical tree called Al Gore.

"Hey, have you heard of Global warming?" Said Al tree Gore?

Trump…uhh…I mean Donald pulled a flamethrower out of friggin nowhere and sprayed Al in the wallnuts with it. "Your Fired".

Donald walked through the entire swamp without peeling the bark off of any trees. He finally met his friend, Malania, outside of the school, chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool. Then a couple of guys, they were upto know good, started makin' trouble in her neighbahood. She got in one little fight and Donald got scarred and said, "Im moving you across the wall, and I have no hair!" Malie gave him A diamond job (Where she cuts a synthetic vagina in a diamond and throws it at poor people until Donald finished to photos of starving Somalian children), and gave him the W.E.C.K and flew away with her Michelle Osama wings into a tower in the distance. Somewhere George Bush was happy.

An egg is an Ovular shape that is milky white to brown. They often come from birds, but mamals do them too. Sometimes Platipussies throw them up. Eggs are most commonly known to man to come from chickjens. Chickjen eggs go from 3 inches to 3 inches in height. They have huge nutritional value. They are worth more to poor people thought, because poor people need more stuff.

Donald deployed the Wall of Eden Creation Kit at his feet. A miraculous wall formed where he stood, leaving him at the top of it. He called the call of the faggit, Shrek's native call, and waited for Shrek to appirate with his Appiration-no-jutsu. Donald preffered the Floo network himself.

"Ayyeafdsjsgfdxdjvbikedhsdfsdbsdfjubfvijhb. Yaah Weent Und Buiiilded a suuuper gay wall. Gay meen good in our worl. I taughted you alls I teach. You aint n'more the student, but, like, the master now, Teach me, Donald-senpai."

"I will teach you in the ways of Trouism. Fist, you must get a small business laod from your father of just a million dollars."

"AYYYY will go tew mah fathah, Hue Nutorn, and get 1 kilometer of dolars."

"Go, nao, my son. For whatever the light touches will be slightly warmer because of it."

"Yewer wisedum knows many bounds."

"I know I know I don't know what I don't know. Do you know what you know what I don't know what you don't know what I don't know?"

"Yes"

"Then go to Hue Nutron, your father, but beware of the great troll Wheezer. If he asks if you will finish that CROISANT, for the love of the great flying sphaggheti in my pants, say know."

"EIIIII, am filled iwht DETERminATION…and jizz…and spaghetti."

"Good, can anyone even tell who's talking at this point?"

"No"

"Will either of us say anything to denote who speaks?"

"No"

"Then go, or on my way I go (to keep it ambiguous as to who said what in that entire conversation"

Tune in for Chaper 3,


End file.
